Holding Back
Monday, August 20, 2007
Labels: prep, punk, goth, emo, nerd, jock, etc.I don't know what's wrong with people. I don't understand why someone will come up with these stupid labels. I don't like cliques. I don't like labels. I don't like stereotyping.
Is there a need to divide people into such specific groups?Some people said I'm emo, or even goth. Even the definitions of the words itself have been modified.Maybe it's juz' me. I still can't bring myself to open up to people... It's the pang of guilt that shot thru' me holding me back everytime. I seem to be building a wall around me...Whenever I want to approach someone, I'll think twice...thrice...then forget it.Somehow I juz' feel I don't fit anywhere though people don't mind. They don't even know what had happened. But I juz' don't want it to happen again...
I ain't making sense here, am I? My brain is so screwed right now that I can't even think properly. I've so many things yet to be completed that I don't have time for other things.
I've never believed in fate or destiny. Life is ours, we should be the one controlling it. Yet I can't. That's the biggest failure in life. If you can't control your life, what's the point of living on? You're living for other people, letting them manipulating you as much as they want. Ha. Pathetic. The only reason we should live is because we enjoy it.
I used to cry for hours before I sleep every night... Or even in school silently where no one noticed... But not now... Why?Maybe I'm already immune to the pain that I couldn't feel anything right now. I've mastered the skill of "pretending-everything-to-be-alright". And right now there's nothing for me to cry for. Everything has become part of my life. Everything is soon gonna be perfect.
I don't like to be depressed or anything. I don't go to the extent of cutting myself or having suicidal thoughts everyday. That's really silly. You're hurting yourself that way...It's pathetic...
You can inflict pain on yourself physically but never cut yourself. I watched a true story of a girl on TV. After she cut herself once, she got addicted to it immediately, thinking it's the best way to take all her pain away from her.
I juz' want to say there's bound to have a so-called lowest point of your life. It's "compulsory" or rather, unavoidable. Everyone must go thru' that period, just like puberty...your teen years...rebellious time...The only difference is that how you face it. Some people can't take the pressure and give up in the end. And there's no turning back once you're gone.
Look at the positive side of things. There are so many other things in life that you should feel happy for. You have your family and friends there ferr ya. Care for others juz' like how they do.Juz feeling the satisfaction and contentment after helping someone could brighten up your day. I bumped into an old lady with two big bags of stuff, after school at the overhead bridge near my house, whom I later offered my help to.
You may find me strange but sometimes I love to look out for old ladies who need help when I'm in a good and cheery mood, be it on the bus or along the streets. Somehow seeing the smiles on their faces makes me want to smile too. They are so...infectious. Those smiles...Labels: help, labels, pain, past
8/20/2007 07:02:00 PM
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YOUR ONE AND ONLY;;Y ZHIQI
thirTEEN ; o2o494
|♀ LA FEMME ♀|
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horoscope ; ari3s
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country ; s'pore
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schools ; bpps, nhps, nygh
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