the bubbles have melted . <body> <body>

NYGZ
Wednesday, April 25, 2007


I was late.

As I entered thru' the backstage door, the lights were dim. Why today of all days? It's 7.17a.m. Around 10 or 15 minutes later than usual.

I felt so guilty. I was only a Sec 1 yet I was late. I woke up at 5a.m., I had a good breakfast and everything. Just that I was too confident. I sat at the bus-stop, waiting for a not-so-crowded bus until I was satisfied. Maybe I was too spoilt, I couldn't stand standing.

 There was a period of time when I didn't have a seat on the bus for a few days. It wasn't comfortable. My back ached, my legs were wobbly. When I reached school, I thought I was gonna faint while climbing three flights of stairs.

Ha. Oh well, guess I was too nervous that I'd left 1 nail on the bus. Then, when I reached school, I was told that my instructor hadn't reached yet. At first, I thought that she might be stuck in a traffic jam thus I weren't that worried.

I don't know...Maybe it's because I was in a bad mood...But soon, I couldn't help worrying.

Anxiety. Panic. Fear.

Tears began welling up my eyes. For no reason. I was kinda in a sad mood in the morning. I juz felt...depressed. Wild thoughts raced through my mind. What if...? What if...?

An irrational fear overwhelmed me. I could feel my tears rolling down my cheeks. But no one noticed which I was thankful for. At that moment, I just realised how much I love my instructor, my teacher. I couldn't imagine what'd happen without her.

All these months and years, she'd been showering us with care and concern. Yet, I didn't notice and took it for granted.

If not for her, I wouldn't achieve what I'd today. She's a marvellous teacher, someone whom I look up upon, someone who is so knowledgable. I thought I'd known her, understood her in the past. But no. She's totally different from my first impression of her.

Yesterday, she promised us that if anyone of us played a note wrongly, she'd be held responsible for it. It was really...a great act.

“你们弹错，我扛。”

晴天霹雳。

This is the kind of feeling I felt then. She was citing an example yesterday, to show us the meaning of the idiom. "What if tomorrow, I happen to be so unfortunate and got knocked down by a car? What will be your reaction? How will you feel?" She asked us in Chinese.

I don't know. My world will fall apart. I'm not exaggerating. The thought of losing such a wonderful teacher just pierced my heart. Inside, I was praying. I held on to the belief that she was safe.

It was just me. Too paranoid. Too innocent. Too naive. She was just late. And you thought of all kinds of stupid possibilities. You're gonna suffer from some over-paranoid disorder soon if you don't stop this.

Ha. When my seniors told us that my instructor was caught in a traffic jam, it was as if a heavy burden had juz' been lifted off my shoulders, or rather, a wave of relief swept over me. (:

We did our best in SYF Central Judging. No matter what the results would be, we'd no regrets. As we took our seats at the audience, we were crossing our fingers and praying hard.

Everyone was so nervous that we could practically hear each other's heartbeats. We joined our hands together, holding each other's sweaty palms.

Adrenaline rushed through my body as the results were being announced. Could you imagine how we felt when we were awarded with Gold with Honours?

The senior sitting beside me burst out in tears uncontrollably. By then, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Many were crying. It was like...wow. Our efforts had finally paid off.

All these months...I know all the seniors had been sacrificing a lot 'coz of SYF. When the SYF was nearing, the practices intensified and everyone could feel the tension.

As a result, I skipped my lunch, handed up my assignments and projects late, asked for extension again and again, sacrificing my sleep time, struggling to complete my homework, staying up late to revise for exams.

But all these were nothing compared to what my instructor and seniors had sacrificed.

NYGZ, an ensemble, a team.

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#o4_inhershadows } 'xiaoqii-
4/25/2007 11:06:00 PM

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