the bubbles have melted . <body> <body>

Love
Sunday, April 15, 2007


What's love? I don't know. I don't know how it feels like. Even if I do, I may not know it's love. It's such an abstract thing that no one can understand it until one has experienced it.

So many people around us are heartbroken everyday. Will endless, eternal love ever exist?

There's a couple whom I don't know very well, broke up recently. It was kinda sad. They might seem like the loveliest, sweetest couple in the world, but no. I expected it. I could only see sweet innocent teenage love between them. They'd break up one day. And they did. Tears, heartbreaks.

I'd teenage crushes before too. But I was too shy back then. I truly knew very well that the feeling was mutual. However, I held back. Again and again. I avoided the truth. Twice. Then, I cried.

I kept on telling myself, it's juz an admiration, a stupid teenage crush. Studies were far more important, I didn't have time for this kind of silly thing. Forget him. And I did. I avoided him. I pretended all those memories that we'd shared didn't happened at all. No, I didn't pretend. I really forgot 'em all. Every single one. Until we became so distant, like strangers.

It wasn't easy. The distance between us grew further away 'coz of separation. Yes, and I slowly forgot him. And him too. It took me weeks, months.

I've no idea why I avoided 'em. After my first crush, I told myself, get over with the crushes and get moving on with my studies. And I did. But he came. He was just an ordinary guy. But he cared for me like no one did before. I was happy when I was with him.

But again, I was in denial. For months.

It was a mistake. I acted like I didn't care. Maybe my acting skills had improved a lot 'coz he didn't know the feeling was mutual.

History repeated itself again soon after we were separated. Again. I cried. Tears, heartbreaks.

I wanted to tell him, to confess to him. But I held back again. It was forbidden. A forbidden love.

Even though I pretended I didn't care, I still did. Did he know that? No. I was too scared to face him.

Face the reality, girl. You'll still see them again. So what? We are strangers now. Yes, strangers. Had I chosen the right decision? Regrets. It's all too late.

And there's him. I feel guilty for cheating to him, lying to him. All these months, I've been feeling nothing towards him, but he thinks otherwise. Yes, he cares for me. But in my opinion, it's only friendship. Nothing more than that, but he thinks otherwise.

It still lasts till now, our "friendship". But it's not what I want. I don't wanna be with him. Yet, I can't tell him. I feel so bad. Maybe he's juz a replacement. Someone to fill the empty space in my heart, my need.

Love. What is it? Does it even exist?

Love. What does it remind you of? Titanic?

Love. What does it mean to you?

There're juz too many misunderstandings in this world. I don't know. I'm confused. I feel numb. Perhaps going to a girls' school is a good choice..

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#o4_inhershadows } 'xiaoqii-
4/15/2007 03:08:00 AM

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